of Natalie and tomorrow

Allow me to introduce you to my girlie Natalie. It's been just since Christmas that this little one has stolen my heart and now that I'm leaving tomorrow, I can't help but wonder if she could fit in my backpack comfortably. Natalie is the one that was in the sick room a while back as I walked by. Ever since I picked her up and soothed her tears, she has been my girl. And everyone knows it. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing but in the last couple days, she has started to call me "Mommy." Yikes. How do you handle a situation like that? This two-year old child has taken a leap from no trust to assigning you as her adopted mother.

I don't have the case history for Natalie because she's so young. All I know is that she is squishy, adorable, and has a smile that could melt Mr.Freeze's heart. Any time she sees me, she runs at me with her little arms fully extended into the air. But unlike the other children, if I'm on my way to breakfast and only give her a hug and kiss, once I put her down she toddles on her way, perfectly content. Most kids here cling on, throw a fit, etc. but my girl is a trooper. I can't imagine what it's going to be like to say goodbye to her tomorrow.

T-1day. Today was a day of lasts: last time in Hili, last dinner at Bangla Hope, last load of laundry in a bucket, last round of goodnight kisses, last badminton game, last round of 5Crowns. Dad and I actually went to Hili twice today to pay the leaving the country tax at the bank (we didn't have our passports the first time) just in case we want to leave after the banks close tomorrow. We had some fun in Hili, browsing through the stores and market, soaking in the final scenes of life in Bangladesh. I also got to practice my newfound bartering skills and was rewarded quite nicely for it :D

The rest of the afternoon, I was perched high above bunk beds sticking glow in the dark stars to the ceilings of some of the rooms. I have more to finish tomorrow because the power cut out and I was dripping sweat without the fans on in the room. I also took down my red star lights and put them up in the little and big girls' rooms across the windows. Because of the power difference, they won't be able to light up but they are pretty to look at and are just a nice decoration.

Then came the party. I brought out the glow sticks and sparklers and unleashed them into the mass of children. We didn't have enough glow sticks unfortunately so we distracted those without by bringing out the sparklers. The wind was pretty nasty so we had to light one by the stove, then run it outside, lighting each one in turn off a lit one. I burnt my finger pulling the wire out of the ground. Ouch. But the kids LOVED it and wanted more after the ten were done. So that makes it worth it.

After awhile, the kids were ushered into their bedrooms, still swinging their glow sticks back and forth in the darkness. I hadn't decided yet about telling the kids I was leaving so I choked back tears, sang my usual goodnight songs, and took extra time to tell each one how much I loved them. Only Hannah and Marisa caught on to what was happening but they seemed to keep it to themselves as they quietly cried in their beds.

You see, I'm leaving tomorrow around 3pm so I don't want the rest of my time here to be a funeral procession. That's why we had a party. That's why I want to continue to make good memories until the moment that I leave.

But can it really be all over? Six months gone? How is that possible?

My room is slightly torn apart, two bags are already heading back to WallaWalla, and I'm left with a backpack and a purse. Even my pillow was packed into a bag and sent back. Tomorrow will consist of finishing packing, cleaning, and making sure all the stuff that is staying here gets sent to the right people (pencils to teachers, clothes to caregivers, Christmas lights to storeroom, etc.). I'm going to try to get as many pictures as I can, even if it's doubles because I don't want to forget ANYONE here.

Leaving tomorrow.. How can it be? Plus I just had a curveball thrown in in the form of a piece of bad news and all the philosophies and lessons I'm claiming to have learned are being put to the test. I don't know what the outcome will be but I'm doing my best to remain calm, pray about it, and not let it ruin my LAST day at Bangla Hope. Yet all I feel like doing is screaming. Hm. Maybe that's a sign I should read my Bible and then get to bed. It's late but I'm seeking comfort in talking to a dear friend back home who is really doing a good job at consoling my poor heart.

So this ends my last post on Bengali soil. I doubt I'll get a chance to blog in the madness tomorrow afternoon and by tomorrow evening I'll be on a bus in India heading for Kolkata. I guess the address "jehannainbangladesh.blogspot.com" will cease to be entirely true but as often as I can, I will continue to post blogs and pictures from my trip through Asia heading home. Thus if this is the end of the road for you, thank-you for reading, thank-you for your prayers, and thank-you for sharing this experience with me. Let's talk soon,
ami tomake onic onic onic bhalobashi