It is now 1:01am on February 1, 2010 here in Bangladesh (don't ask me why I'm up so late...). Nonetheless, I'm 21!! How absolutely crazy is that to believe... 21 years old. My goodness, how time seems to fly. What do I really want for my birthday... hmmm. As I look at the frightful state of my hair (considering I haven't had it cut since I've been here), I know I could use a haircut from Ashlee Londo at MisBeehaven in WallaWalla with a BIG slice of potatoe pizza from Sweet Basil to follow it (my tummy's a-rumbling). But I know that dream will have to be put on the backburner for a couple more months.. Thus I am happy knowing Elliot and I got massages in Nepal and I will hopefully be getting to travel for a couple weeks with Dad at the end of my mission experience.
This week was a hard week. I avoided blogging because I didn't want to blast my life all around like a tabloid newspaper (too bad Facebook did it for me :P). My boyfriend and I broke up this last week and it really hit me hard. It's been as if I was caught between waves of emotion and logic, just struggling to keep my head above the water in order to breathe, but God managed to turn my pain into something more. As I was curled up in bed, Elliot gave me the book Captivating to read. Captivating, written by John and Stasi Eldredge, is the female version of Wild at Heart and is an incredible read! 200pgs in less than 5days. Yes, that incredible. It speaks to the heart of a woman: who God created her to be and His plan for her in the world.
Reading Captivating really brought me to a place of realizing how much I want God to be my Romancer, my Lover. This is what my next year will be known as: The Year I Truely Fell in Love with God. I want to learn to find my value and my self-worth through God, to seek an intimate relationship with my Creator. "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first in order to find her." This is my mantra, my goal to be attained before pursuing a relationship with someone.
While talking with my dad about travel plans, I realized I have just under 8weeks left here. Wow. That is just plain crazy. I remember the first week in October thinking the time would drag by. It did at points and screamed by other times. In order to make the most out of my time left here and not float through these last 8weeks, I've written a list of goals--things that I want to do so that when I leave here, I have no regrets. And yes, I've been praying for motivation and courage to do some of the things I've just been too scared to do. I'll show you my checked off list when I get home if you take the time to ask :)
First things first: get some sleep.
ami tomake bhalobashi
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I don't think you know me but I've been in touch with Elliot off and on this year. I just wanted to tell you that you are a brave girl! You have been in my prayers recently and it's good to read your blog and hear your strength be renewed after such a trying time. Thanks for all that you have done and continue to do as an SM. I look forward to meeting you when you get back! -Kristina
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